850+1 vs. four walls, a phone and a laptop

Today i decided to write about something totally different! You see, for the last two years of my life i had many questions that people asked me, and i believe at last i have uncovered some of the answers to these questions i had often asked myself.

It all started when i attended a religious institution with the aim of becoming a pastor. I finished my studies and was offered this great job at a branch of this religious institution in London. So i took the job with the thought of this being my dream job. I wanted to work at this institution and represent the Big Man with everything inside of me. It only took me a couple of months to realise that i hated this job. I was surrounded by four walls, a phone and a laptop. I could make as many calls as i wanted and this was all part of the job. Maybe some people's dream job? But i realised this place was not for me, it was running me dry and suffocating my soul. That is when i got out!!

This year i decided to come to China to maybe find something that went lost along the way. Questions being asked like "did you uproot yourself or were you called to go to China?", "how can you study to become a pastor and then don't want to do the job?" These were some of the questions that i received well from some more religious believers. Then last night i was asked those questions for the last time. Probably not the last time, but something changed and the truth revealed itself. The lights went on inside my head. It was like one of those cartoons when someone is busy thinking and the bulb starts shining. So i decided to put this on paper, or electronic paper for people to view! This will save me the constant explanation.

So.... here we go....
Every week i speak to an audience of 850+1 non-believers. The 1 being the son of my director whom i see as a privilege to teach. I am able to speak to them and form relationships with them, compared to endless phone calls driving me mad!! Am i in this country in the capacity of a missionary...? NO, do i see myself as a missionary in this country...? No!! Does calling myself something make me anymore that thing, if i am not that? If i call myself and idiot, does that make me an idiot, even if those around me know that i am not one? Does calling myself a missionary make me any more, or less, a representative for the Big Man, that i already am? What about calling myself a pastor? Am i not still the same person with or without the title? On the contrary, i see myself so much more in a pastoral position than i ever had answering the phone, working as a pastor for the religious institution! Titles are just that... "titles". I was called to serve people, and at this moment in China is where i find myself serving. Will i be doing this forever?? Probably not...will i wait for this voice from the sky to move me on?? Probably not...will i wait for the voice to tell me to take a poo?? Probably not! I think if the Big Man wanted us all to do that, He would have called us all Pinochio and kept the strings attached.

When it comes down to the drawing board, the question is.... "who are you?" Does only being annointed with a title give you that calling? If yes, then they can stuff it where it belongs!! The Big Man i serve is so much more generous than that!! He doesn't wait for the blessing of man... He has blessed the man!! So, go out and serve!!


--Too my sister Magdaleen who is also a comrade in this battle.--

One man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter,
One man's rebel is another man's Martin Luther.

(Linfen, Shanxi Province, China)