Stay clear of a baby's rear

When i first arrived in this country there was something that caught my attention, but i thought the first time this happened i might have been mistaken. Then as this happened more often and as time went by, i realised this is the way things get done. Literally get done... if you know what i mean.

It happended like this:
I was walking past a shop, minding my own business, Ipod screaming in my ears when out of one of the shops on my right came this mom running with her child in her arms. In front of me was this flowerbed which this lady also now found in front of her. I can tell you one thing, if ever this was a boxing match, then i would have been sitting in the most expensive seat. Yes, ringside seats!! Those seats that when someone gets slammed against the head, droplets of blood makes their way onto your face. Too close for my liking! But here i was, caught between the traffic on my left, shops on my right, and the flowerbed now being turned into a dumping site by a young four year old squatter assisted by his mom. When i talk about the "squatter", i am not implying someone who illegally sets up tent at a random location. No, this is a different kind of squatting. This kind of squatting i would advise you to miss if at all possible! Yes, this young boy was sitting right in front of me taking a poo, and like i said, i had the best view. But this is the way they do it over here. Who said China doesn't have squatters? South Africa isn't the only country with squatting problems!!

Then you will say to me..."but how could you not get away quicker and avoid the whole(asshole) scene?" Well, people in China have very little money. They don't have money to buy diapers so the kids go without. You see, they have a better invention!! When you look at a small child's pants, you will notice that they have a massive big rip right down the middle back part of their pants. This is for quick exit purposes. No time to take your pants down, you just squat and the pants open by themselves. Does that explain me being caught in the action??

Here is another example:
You remember the one day that i sat in the bank for about two hours? Well, here is something that i didn't tell you about that day. While i was sitting on a couch a little boy entered with his mom. This boy was the "whole in the pants" age. He took a seat on the couch next to me to wait for his mom to finish her banking. This seemed to take very long, well it is a Chinese bank. But while i was sitting there on one couch, the boy on the one next to me, he decided to lean to the side. Unfortunately he didn't lean to my side but to the other side. And there it was.... his whole ass hung out of his pants!! The more i tried to look away, the more his ass stared me right in the face. You know those moments when you know you have to look away, but it is as if gravity just pulls you towards this unwanted view?? Well, there i was, staring at the ass and it staring back at me. The only thought that went through my head was "I would like to know who sat on my seat before i arrived... or maybe not".

Last but not least, you never know what you might step into on the street. My good friend Joel, a fellow foreign teacher had the privilege once of stepping into baby poo. His words were more like: "Man!! I stepped into baby shit!!!"

(Linfen, Shanxi Province, China)